Family: Moving on from past hurt and pain

The hardest pain to get over is family pain and trauma. It oftentimes tears the family apart. Unresolved hurt and pain doesn’t just go away…it sticks with you. It sticks with you until you fix it, until you heal from it until you grow from it. Brushing it under the rug and not talking about it doesn’t solve anything. You have to face it no matter how hard it is. 

I understand that some family drama is not repairable. Some things can’t be talked about, some things cannot be resolved. Examples of these types of situations would be constant physical, mental and emotional abuse, molestation, murder..etc. These situations are not the type of relationships that require you to resolve and repair a relationship with a family member. These are the type of situations I would tell you to stay away from that family member. Keep your distance for your personal growth, development and sanity.

But, there are some situations that are repairable. Petty arguments and disagreements unresolved seem like the end of the world. They seem more worse than what they are. If we sit down and talk and think about the who, what and the why of a situation, it would fix it before it gets out of hand. Imagine not speaking to a family member for years over something as simple as a missed birthday, unanswered phone call or disagreement about the children. You would feel so small if something happened to that person, and you never got to tell them you love them or forgive them for a situation you were holding on to. You gotta heal; you gotta move on. 

Even with the examples I listed earlier of the un-repairable relationships, although you might not repair the relationship it is healthy to talk to somebody about it. Find a place in your heart for forgiveness to allow yourself to heal and move on. Get past the hurt, pain and trauma. Don’t hold onto it and let it affect your everyday life. Find a way to give yourself a better peace of mind. 

If a family situation is petty, find a way to fix it. If it is un-fixable, find the strength to forgive for your sanity. Move on from past hurt and pain caused by family members. Don’t hold on to it. Release it for what it is, and grow from the experience.

Nia Kamau, The Urban Author




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